Youth
A person is practicing abstinence when they choose not to do something, including but not limited to having sex. All types of people may choose to practice abstinence or be abstinent at different times in their lives, for different amounts of time, and for many different reasons. Many people practice abstinence to uphold their religious or spiritual beliefs. Other people might do it so they can focus on other things that are important to them, like school or after-school activities. Some people practice abstinence because they are waiting for the right person to have sex with. There is no good or bad reason why a person might choose to be abstinent, and it is important to make the decision that feels most appropriate for you.
Abstinence can look like different things to different people. Some people practice it by avoiding any type of sex that puts them at risk for an unintended pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease (STD)—activities like vaginal, anal and oral sex. Other people may practice abstinence by not having vaginal sex, while still being willing to have oral sex. This type of abstinence can protect a person from unintended pregnancy, but it doesn’t protect them from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
You can be in a relationship and practice abstinence. If that’s something you’d like to do, talk with your partner to make sure you are both on the same page about what that looks like. If you’ve been sexually active in a relationship and want to become abstinent, you can do that too. It’s OK to change your mind!
Choosing to be sexually abstinent is a personal choice that should be respected and validated. No one is better or worse for being sexually abstinent. At the end of the day, what’s most important is for people to make the choice that’s best for them.
FAQs
For many young people, abstinence can be a great way to avoid some of the physical and emotional challenges related to engaging in sexual behaviors, including sexually transmitted diseases, unintended pregnancy and emotional disappointment when expectations about sex aren’t met. Practicing abstinence can also help you build a relationship with your partner that isn’t solely focused on sexual behaviors. While there are many benefits to practicing abstinence, each person gets to choose what is best for them. The best way is to choose what’s right for you is to consider what’s most important to you and your overall health and well-being. Talking with a parent, caregiver or trusted adult for advice and support can help.
Having a positive conversation about abstinence can be like any other conversation you have with a partner, where you are both practicing openness, honesty and assertive communication. If you are interested in practicing abstinence, share your thoughts and desires with your partner, and then allow them space to share their feelings in return. If your partner is interested in being abstinent, listen to them, ask questions, and respond with your questions and thoughts without judging or shaming. Just like you shouldn’t pressure someone to have sex, don’t pressure your partner not to have sex. When you have a conversation, it is always possible that you and your partner may not want the same things. That’s OK. Know that if you want to be abstinent and your partner does not, a romantic relationship may not possible between the two of you. For additional ideas on how to have the conversation, reach out to a caregiver or other trusted adult.