Youth
People often use their religious beliefs, family traditions or cultural beliefs to help them make important decisions, including decisions about relationships and sex. For some people, their religious faith—such as Islam, Christianity, Hinduism or Buddhism—informs what they believe and value. Some people may have cultural beliefs or family traditions that are informed by their faith and help them make decisions. Other people may not have specific religious beliefs. Not everyone believes the same thing. Having different beliefs doesn’t make one person right and the other person wrong; it just makes them different.
These different beliefs can inform how people think and feel about if and when to have sex, gender roles, contraceptives (birth control) and sexual orientation. These topics can be complicated, and people’s beliefs and traditions may vary across communities. Even within religious groups, people who share the same faith may have conflicting ideas about these topics.
Some people will hold on to or practice beliefs in line with how they’ve been taught, while other people’s beliefs—religious or otherwise—will change as they get older and learn new things. People’s stronger feelings about religious or cultural beliefs and the impact they have on a person’s sexuality can create conflict when people’s perspectives are very different from one another.
What is most important to remember is that your beliefs, morals or values do not make you right or wrong. They are your beliefs—even if other people do not agree with them—and ideally they help you make decisions and choose what is right for you. Even though we may believe different things and have different values, we can still show respect for one another by not imposing our beliefs on other people. Having different beliefs, values and perspectives makes us all distinct and special.
FAQs
Deciding when to have sex is a very personal decision. There are lots of things a person may consider when deciding if they are ready to have sex. People’s decisions about when to have sex can be informed by their personal feelings about when the time is right, their families’ beliefs, cultural beliefs or religious beliefs. People get to decide for themselves when they are ready to have sex. Most young people wait to have sex until they’re about 17. Only 41 percent of high school students have ever had sex, and very few have sex before getting to high school. Even though it might seem like a lot of people your age are having sex, it’s totally normal to wait until you’re older and feel more ready.
No one can tell if a person is a virgin just by looking at them or even from a medical exam. People once believed that you could tell if a girl was a virgin if her hymen was not broken. The hymen is a thin tissue that can cover part of the vaginal opening (located about a half-inch inside the vagina). We know now that some people are born without hymens, and some people’s hymen’s can be broken from doing ordinary things, like gymnastics or using a tampon. What is important is not whether someone’s hymen is broken or they have engaged in sexual behaviors, but that they choose to have sex when it is healthy and right for them.
People can sometimes disagree about what it means to “have sex.” Some people believe being a virgin means never having been involved in any type of sexual behavior with another person, including oral sex. For other people, being a virgin means never having had vaginal sex. Someone may never have vaginal sex but engage in other sexual behaviors, like oral sex. Does this make that person a virgin? People define virginity in different ways, including not believing in it at all. What is important is not whether someone has or had not engaged in sexual behaviors, but that they choose to have sex when it is healthy and right for them.