Sexual Abuse Can Happen to Anyone
This video defines sexual abuse and explains that sexual abuse can happen to anyone, including boys and young men. The video stresses that if a young man has been sexually abused it is not their fault, they did nothing wrong. It also makes the point that seuxal abuse of boys is more common than people think and encourages youth to talk with a trusted adult. In addition, the video introduces a website, www.1in6.org, that includes weekly chat-based support groups and other resources for young men who have experienced sexual abuse. [AMZ-091]
Youth
Any kind of sexual behaviors or touching another person’s breasts, genitals or buttocks without that person’s permission (also known as consent) is sexual assault. The age at which someone can consent to sex varies from state to state, but no one who is under 16 can legally consent to sex in any state. Sexual abuse is a form of sexual assault. It includes forcing or pressuring a young person to have sexual intercourse (rape) or any sexual behavior between an adult and a young person who is too young to agree to this behavior. Sexual assault can happen to anyone, and it is illegal. Sexual abuse is a lot more common than we think, and it’s never okay, even if the person committing the abuse is someone a person knows or a relative.
It is important to remember that sexual abuse is never the fault of the person being abused, even if the person doing the abusing or touching says it’s the young person’s fault. What a person was wearing or if they had been using drugs or alcohol does not make sexual abuse the fault of the person who is abused. Sexual abuse, regardless of the situation, is never okay. Sometimes a person may feel like sexual abuse is their fault because the touching felt good, but sexual abuse is never the young person’s fault.
Sexual abuse has nothing to do with a person’s sexual orientation. If a person is heterosexual, they are still heterosexual, even if they are abused by a person of the same gender. And if a person who is gay or lesbian is sexually abused by a person of a different gender, that does not make them heterosexual. If a person is sexually abused, it’s important for them to talk to someone they trust about what happened—regardless of the gender of the person who committed the abuse.
If you or someone you know was touched in a way that was not okay or if you were forced to touch someone else in a way that makes you uncomfortable, don’t keep it a secret. Even if the person who did this is an adult or an older kid who told you not to tell anyone, you should tell someone. Tell someone you trust—like a parent, family member, teacher, friend’s parent or neighbor. If the first person you tell doesn’t do anything, tell someone else you trust. Keep telling adults you trust until you get help.
FAQs
It’s not right that this happened to you, and it is not your fault. No one should touch you, or force you to touch them, in a way that is not okay, whether you know this person or
not or if this person is an adult or older kid. Don’t keep this a secret. Find someone you trust, like a parent, family member, teacher, coach, a friend’s parent or neighbor, and tell them what happened. There are people out there who can help. By law, most adult professionals (like teachers, coaches and doctors) are required to report this information to the police, so they can help to protect you and try to prevent the crime from happening again. You may be worried about getting the person who touched you or made you touch them in trouble, but remember that you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be safe. The best way to prevent this from happening again or to someone else is to talk to a trusted adult. You could talk face to face or on the phone. You could also send a text, email or letter. You could even make a drawing, if that’s easier. The important thing is to tell someone. Keep telling until you get help.
It’s not right that this happened to you, and it is not your fault. No one should show a young person pornographic videos or pictures. It can make a person feel uncomfortable and is against the law. Don’t keep this a secret. Find someone you trust, like a parent, family member, teacher, coach, a friend’s parent or neighbor, and tell them what happened. There are people out there who can help. By law, most adult professionals (like teachers, coaches and doctors) are required to report this information to the police, so they can help to protect you. You may be worried about getting the person who showed you pornography in trouble, but remember that you have done nothing wrong and deserve to be safe. The best way to prevent this from happening again or to someone else is to talk to a trusted adult. You could talk face to face or on the phone. You could also send a text, email or letter. You could even make a drawing, if that’s easier. The important thing is to tell someone. Keep telling until you get help.
Parents
Sexual assault is any sexual behavior that happens without a person’s consent and includes rape, incest and child sexual abuse. Children may hear about sexual assault in the media. It is important that parents tell their children (regardless of their gender) that some people touch other people without their permission, and that is not okay. Having these conversations with children gives you an opportunity to explain that it is not okay for anyone to touch their genitals, breasts or buttocks, and if anyone does touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable or shows them something that makes them uncomfortable, they should tell you right away.
Child sexual abuse, which is a form of sexual assault, is an issue we want none of our children to face, but we know that it is a reality. Child sexual abuse is sexual touching or behaviors with a minor, including oral, anal or penile-vaginal sex; exposing a young person to sexually explicit materials; or forcing a young person to touch someone else’s genitals. It often continues until the person who is being abused gets help. Sometimes, someone else—a friend or family member—recognizes the abuse and jumps in to help.
About 90 percent of children who are victims of abuse know their abusers. Only 10 percent of sexually abused children are abused by a stranger. This often makes it even scarier for a child to report the crime, which they know will get a family member or someone they know in trouble. Young people need to know that they are never at fault when they are sexually assaulted and that they should report the crime to a trusted adult as soon as possible, even if it involves someone they know.
The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network has helpful information on protecting your child from sexual abuse.
CONVERSATION STARTERS
Start essential conversations with your children about boundaries, how others should and should not touch them and how they should or should not touch others. These conversations lay the foundation so your children know they can come to you with questions or if someone crosses a boundary with them. The easiest way to start these conversations is to talk about issues as they come up in everyday life, like while watching TV together.
When a news stories about sexual assault comes on, ask your child if they have heard about this topic before and how it made them feel. You can then reinforce with your child that no one should touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable and they should not touch other people in a way that would make them uncomfortable. Remind your child that they can come to you if they have questions about this or if something happens that makes them feel uncomfortable.
If you are watching a show or movie that portrays sexual assault or unwanted touching, you can use this as an opportunity to ask your child if they think that may be asexual assault. You could also ask what someone should do if they think they have been sexually assaulted. Remind your child that they can come to you if they have questions about this or if something happens that makes them feel uncomfortable.
When you want to hug or kiss your child, getting your child’s permission first is a great way to demonstrate consent. If this is not something you have done in the past, you can explain why you are asking for their consent and begin the discussion about why it is important to gain consent—especially in sexual situations.
Educators
Sexual assault is any sexual behavior that happens without a person’s consent and includes rape, incest and child sexual abuse. Children may hear about sexual assault in the media. It is important that all children understand that no one should touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable. Children should know that if someone does touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable or shows them something that makes them comfortable, they should tell a parent or adult they trust right away.
Child sexual abuse, which is a form of sexual assault, is an issue we do not want children to face, but we know it is a reality. Child sexual abuse is sexual touching or behaviors with a minor, including oral, anal or penile-vaginal sex; exposing a young person to sexually explicit materials; or forcing a young person to touch someone else’s genitals. It often continues until the person who is being abused gets help. Sometimes, someone else—a friend or family member—recognizes the abuse and jumps in to help.
About 90 percent of children who are victims of abuse know their abusers. Only 10 percent of sexually abused children are abused by a stranger. This often makes it even scarier for a child to report the crime, which they know will get a family member or someone they know in trouble. Young people need to know that they are never at fault when they are sexually assaulted and that they should report the crime to a trusted adult as soon as possible, even if it involves someone they know.
The Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network has helpful information on protecting children from sexual abuse.
National Sex Education Standards
Define child sexual abuse and identify behaviors that would be considered child sexual abuse
Identify trusted adults, including parents and caregivers, that you can talk to about situations which may be uncomfortable or dangerous (e.g., bullying, teasing, child sexual abuse)
Demonstrate ways to start a conversation when seeking help from a trusted adult about an uncomfortable or dangerous situation (e.g., bullying, teasing, child sexual abuse)
Define child sexual abuse, sexual harassment, and domestic violence and explain why they are harmful and their potential impacts
Describe steps a person can take when they are being or have been sexually abused
Identify community resources and/or other sources of support, such as trusted adults, including parents and caregivers, that students can go to if they are or someone they know is being sexually harassed, abused, assaulted, exploited, or trafficked
Explain why a person who has been sexually harassed, abused, or assaulted, or has been a victim of incest, rape, domestic violence, or dating violence is never to blame for the actions of the perpetrator
International Technical Guidance on Sexuality Education
Violence
Finding Help and Support
Discussion Questions
- Why is understanding the definitions of sexual abuse important?
- If someone has been sexually abused, who should they talk to?
- What are some ways a person can start a conversation with an adult if they have been sexually abused?
- What advice or resources would you give to someone who has been sexually abused, and is afraid to talk to an adult?
